.....??

I just wish it will be stop...

How if...

the feeling of heartache,

the feeling of tears dropping out from eyes...

every painful feeling of them,

had became a mistshap.

It just like a knife stabbing inside your heart.

Why does a human will have these stupid feelings...

they are disturbing me,

and it cant be heal...

Acting,is just like a fool...

However I am still fooling around.

I though...

I will be okay today,

but I am not...

I lied...

every of my speech,

full of lies.

Did I just done something wrong?

Could someone just slap me....

I just wish..

somebody can step into,

the black world,

without any lights...

Sunny days never glown,

the sun just hide behind the dark cloud.

Did I really need these feelings?

I dont...

But...

I know...

I treat myself like this,

is better than I tell.

If I tell,

the ending will end up with argurement...

Is it worthing?

I don't know...

There is nothing can make me calm now...

I hope...

I really hope..

You are here...

although,

we cant touch each other,

although,

it has a gaps blocking...

at least...

I can stop these useless foolish emotions.

I feel like...

I am an annoying people,

maybe its the truth...

雨后真的能天晴吗？

生活要是能无忧无虑，那该有多好……
但是如果是生活的无忧无虑的人，
那个不叫人了，那个是死物……
非生物……什么东西都不用去想。

担心，很痛……
在意，更痛……
我怎么了？要疯掉了，
要坏掉了……

不明。

失去很痛，等待更痛……

存在是什么？

对于一个人的存在感，我深感在意。

在意每一个人的存在感，

在意一些忽略我的人。

那一句，

好讨厌。

我，好讨厌。

存在感好低。

想得到别人关心，

却不敢对别人说发生什么事。

想得到别人的爱，

却忍着忍着不让别人知道我想。

我就是这样，矛盾又不直接。

对，我很讨厌别人家忽略，

很讨厌等待，等待，很痛。

痛了，不敢喊，不敢流泪。

只能默默地让他痛。

心，我真的很想挖你出来。

我要看看你，是怎么碎的，

想知道为什么你总是在痛。

你痛些什么……

人家只是在忙，没时间回复而已。

或是说人家都不知道你表达什么。

好像喊……

社交方面，我好差劲。

好像喊出来，

喊不出……我不敢……

又痛了……

有没有得到回复了……

好疼……

明明就很痛，

却硬着头皮也要说不痛。

好讨厌。

为什么我，总是自己拿苦来受……

This is me...

Waitting for you,and hoping something.

19th March 2012

Yesterday,I had been panic....

Panic for the whole day,until now...

Why??

I...flash back many memories..

Yup,maybe its true,

I dint have any childhood.

For my childhood,

I just know what is family problem.

Friends?I met some,

but every one of them had forgot me.

Its not because we are now secondary.

They forgot me since I met them about 1 years ago.

Time is running fast,

because of you.

I set a target.

I want to achieve on my study.

Till today,

I cant be acting happy anymore.

I dont know why,suddenly,

I felt down and down,

should I go to my bed and shout loudly now?

Tears,I really hate you,

luckly,you wont drop infront of people.

You will just show yourself to me,

when I was alone.

I felt lonely...

I started missing someone...

why????

In my heart,

full of painness,

full of question marks.

I hate..

the one who dont know how to communication.

The one who like to being alone,

but she doesnt want to be alone.

The one will get emo eveytime.

The one who easily drop her tears infront of herself.

Yea,

Thats me.....

Dont get why....

I wish what we can do,

is to live happily.....

11th March 2012.

I don't get why...

I cried easily nowasday,

thinking something negative.

What am I doing...

Is it that my heart is broken or what,

my core felt pain....

Why does tears won't stop,

I don't really get why.

What I wish is,

I wish to do myself with the best.

I am acting...

such a liar...

You are not alone,

I am always at your back to support you...

4th March 2012

The forth day of March.

Time is running fast,

its a new month,and exam is around the corner.

Yesterday just finish my Add Maths paper.

I like it very much,since every question is easy.

I am not showing off,just having my pay back in my effort.

Somehow,the me nowasday,was becoming weird.

I cried easily,when there is no people.

For you...

remember,

when you felt alone,I am alone too.

When you are missing me,

I am missing you too.

When you are emo,

I know it,because I can felt it too.

My heart will pain automatically.

I don't know why,

maybe it is also my 6th sense.

I won't cry infront of you,

it is because I dont want to let u worry about me.

Dont worry,I am always there to supprt you.

Although sometimes I am moody,

although sometimes I am sad.

No worries about me,

I will stay strong always :)

So tommorow is history and Bahasa Malaysia paper,

gotta run and do some revision now.

9年了……

有时候，人生不如意事十之八九。

3月1日2012年

我很期待的日子，等了这天好久。

也是我留下最不好的回忆的日子。

就是为了一个便当……

我在太阳底下曝晒了约2个小时，

我急急忙忙地跑出去找你，

我翘掉自己最喜欢的Add Maths的补习班。

全部都是为了你。

到最后，自己病了，你骂我，我不作声。

我什么都不理好了……

反正我出去找你，你认为是哥哥叫我出去找你。

反正我在家做家务的时候，你只会说我做得不好。

反正我去补习的时候，你说载我很烦。

我不明白，我哪里做不好了……

今年我明明是很有一股动力去好好读书。

我为了什么？

不就为了不让你看扁我吗？

经常拿我和别人比较，

我不理，我只知道，我自己有努力就够了。

但是没有人看到，

经常锁在房间里的我，

你们一个也看不到我在做什么。

有时候我很懒，因为我很累。

你是不会明白一天里面，

读了10节课的学生的累是怎么样的。

你也不会明白，每个学生面对考试，

所承受的压力又是怎么样的。

你只会说我什么都不会。

我的确什么都不会，什么都做不好。

这样你满意了吧？

或许你心里会在想，

我不应该存在这个家里吧？

这是你对我造成的负面影响。

9年了……

你给我这种压力，有9年了。

7岁在我面前闹离家出走，

几乎每一年都会发生一次。

算到来，

已经9年了。

或许是我前世欠你的吧……

我似乎病得昏昏迷迷了，

我不写下去了……